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Thread: Inspirational Quotes From America

  1. #1
    Legend Contributor Flamethrower's Avatar
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    Inspirational Quotes From America

    A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America:

    "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
    (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

    "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
    (Lykes Lines Shipping)

    "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used
    only for company business."
    (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

    "This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
    (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

    "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
    (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

    "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
    (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

    Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
    (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

    My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
    (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

    "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
    (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

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    Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

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    Champion Contributor Mtbeaver's Avatar
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    That actually disgusts me... That is so typical American.

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  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Flamethrower
    "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
    I've actually heard that one myself.

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  4. #4
    Champion Contributor Mtbeaver's Avatar
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    well that one could be accepted, it just means your gonna have to work harder...
    Altou i havnt heard it directally i have heard modified versions of it...

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    (formerly known as Coach) Your Humble Servant Darren's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mtbeaver
    That actually disgusts me... That is so typical American.
    I think you'll find its pretty typical here too ...

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    Dear Lord, if you give us back Johnny Cash, we'll give you Justin Bieber.

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    Champion Contributor Mtbeaver's Avatar
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    I agree that you will find it here, but not that badly and not nearly as frequently.

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    Been in the work force for long Beaver? Expect incoming from our man in New Joisey!

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  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by mtbeaver
    well that one could be accepted, it just means your gonna have to work harder...
    Err, no....

    I'm not working longer hours to cover for an idiot project manager who can't schedule time properly....

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    Legend Contributor Flamethrower's Avatar
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    "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
    (Lykes Lines Shipping)

    This would be my favourite

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    Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

  10. #10
    Champion Contributor Mtbeaver's Avatar
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    Err, no....

    I'm not working longer hours to cover for an idiot project manager who can't schedule time properly....
    True

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  11. #11
    Champion Contributor Mtbeaver's Avatar
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    "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
    (Lykes Lines Shipping)

    This would be my favourite
    imagine having somone say that to you... you would be gobbsmacked

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  12. #12
    (formerly known as Coach) Your Humble Servant Darren's Avatar
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    I've had similar requests, and then been asked to provide work arounds to the specific unknown problems that we may encounter. I told them that I had already supplied the workarounds tomorrow, and if they need more clarification to ask me yesterday.

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    Dear Lord, if you give us back Johnny Cash, we'll give you Justin Bieber.

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    very nice....you don't like these people much do you?

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  14. #14
    Veteran Contributor frontrow's Avatar
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    You`re pretty tricky aren`t you coach....

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  15. #15
    Rookie Ren's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coach
    I've had similar requests, and then been asked to provide work arounds to the specific unknown problems that we may encounter. I told them that I had already supplied the workarounds tomorrow, and if they need more clarification to ask me yesterday.
    hehe..nice one Coach! 8)

    those quotes are quite weird...hate to have a superior like that one day

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    .................................................. ......................
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    "I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the refs!"

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