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The Emirates Western Force over the past 2 days has been conducting player reviews.
Cunningly disguised as a removalist and I managed to overhear most of the reviews.
Mark Bartholomeusz
RG: Mate, what happened to your arm?
MB: Its fucked mate.
RG: Fuck, that’s sucks! Enjoy retirement and thanks for your work.
Richard Brown
RG: Brownie, how did you think you went this season?
RB: Not sure boss. But I know I went better then that pussy Cliffy Palau. And I topped the Force tackle count.
RG: Yeah, true. OK. Cya at pre-season ok.
RB: Yeah, just gotta sort these counts out at the ARU about my contract.
Nathan Charles
RG: Cheese, where are you?
(Voice from outside) – Some blokes from TWF took him to JB O’Reilly’s .
RG: OK. Tell him don’t be late for pre season.
Pekahou Cowan
RG: Pek, great season mate till you copped the knock in the head.
PC: I don’t recall.
RG: What have the medical staff said?
PC: I’dont recall.
RG: OK mate. Cya for pre-season.
Nick Cummins
RG: How did you think your season went Nick?
NC: I am the Honey Badger!!
RG: Oh fuck off. I think Robbie wants to see you too. So improve on your turnover in the tackle or you’ll be back here in a month for pre-season!!
Patrick Dellit
RG: So Paddy, good season mate. Got any pictures of your girlfriend?
PD: Huh?
Matt Dunning
MD: Je veux un communiqué afin que je puisse jouer en France!
RG: Huh? Piss off and stay away from the BBQ until I’ve finished talking to everyone.
MD: Je peux déposer objectifs.
Gene Fairbanks
RG: Ya good mate?
GF: Yeah, bring on pre-season.
Tim Fairbrother
RG: Sorry to see you go mate.
TF: Yeah, well tell Robbie to get fucked!
Tom Hockings
RG: I’ve got a copy of a letter I sent to Sam Wykes this time last year. I suggest you read it very carefully!
TH: OK
Matt Hodgson
RG: Great season Hodgo. I notice you have 2 Rolex’s there on your arm. Can I borrow one. I’m pretty sure you have a new one coming your way soon.
MH: Yeah, sure mate.
RG: Good luck in WRC.
Mitch Inman
RG: Anyone seen Mitch?
(Voice from outside) Who cares!!
Jono Jenkins
RG: Not a great start 2 season’s in a row Jono. Break a leg last year and a Yellow this year for a total of 2 minutes. Cya
JJ: Thanks Boss. I’ll go cook some 2 minute noodles for lunch.
Alfie Mafi
RG: How did you think you went this season Alfie?
AM: Yeah good Bro.
RG: You dropped a bit of form there in the middle.
AM: Yeah, good bro.
RG: Cya pre-seaon.
AM: Yeah good bro.
Kieran Longbottom
RG: Outstanding season K-Bum.
KL: Thats K-Bomb
RG: Yeah, right. Look, if someone rings you with a Kiwi accent take him seriously OK? Now go out and belt Dunning to keep him away from the BBQ.
KL: Yes Boss!
Ben McCalman
RG: Maddog, you fucked up badly with 3 turnovers last game. Hope you don’t do that when you get to Wallabies training camp.
BM: Sorry Boss
James O'Connor
JOC: Yes?
RG: Fuck Off!
David Pocock
RG: David, let us pray. Dear God, don’t let David get injured for the next 2 years.
DP: Amen.
Willie Ripia
RG: Now Willie, were you hiding anything from the Medical staff?
WR: No boss, but I got Cory and M’a’s mobile numbers if ya want?
RG: No Willie, lets talk about your foot.
WR: But Boss, I got the boys mobiles for ya!
Nathan Sharpe
RG: Nath...matteee......can I get you a cup of tea?
NS: Thanks mate.
RG: Can I go get you some biscuits Nath?
NS: No mate, its cool.
RG: So, mate, how did I go this year? Everything OK?
Brett Sheehan
RG: Solid year Brett.
BS: Ya want me to belt Dunning for ya?
RG: Yeah, sure. Go ahead. See you at pre-season.
Cameron Shepherd
RG: Cam, Cam, these last minute injuries have got to stop.
CS: Sorry Boss.
RG: And stay off the Piss!!
Rory Sidey
RG: Good year for you mate.
RS: Yeah, feels better to be playing in this colour Blue, much better then that other poofy blue.
David Smith
RG: Thanks for your efforts this year mate.
DS: Thanks Bro. Cya in a couple years.
James Stannard
RG: Chuck, WTF did you learn to play like that?
JS: Bloke named Fulvio at Palmyra taught me all I know.
Mark Swanepoel
RG: Nice pass. Learn to tackle.
MS: OK Boss.
Ben Whittaker
RG: Here’s your KPI’s for next year.
BW: Fuck!
Sam Wykes
RG: You still got that letter I gave you last year?
SW: Yup
RG: Give it to Hockings and then get a haircut.
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