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Tartan-ic effort
Bugger the Bledisloe. This is far more important. Last Sunday in the Under-10 finals, the Lindfield Tartans were due to play the Mosman Whales. Beforehand, the Tartans' tighthead prop, Dan, came down with a bug, and his mum Donna sent out a group email asking the team for any quick-fix remedies they might have. Team manager Russell was soon in with his reply:
"Donna, to start with, try him on the lemon juice, and make sure he has lots of sleep and rest and give him plenty of drugs. Then on Saturday night, show him the Souths v Manly grand final in 1970 (when Satts broke his jaw) … some tapes of Tommy Raudonikis … John Donnelly and Les Boyd … Steve Finnane whispering in Graham Price's ear in the Test against Wales at the SCG in 1978 … and then bring out the DVD of the '91 and the '99 World Cups and stand in your living room and sing the national anthem.
"Then take him out the back and tell him to look up into the sky. Say to him, 'Daniel, 50 years from now, when you look back on your life and regret all the things you could have done and all things you could have been, make sure one of them isn't that you didn't get a chance when you were 10 to stick it to those Mosman kids with their Wallaby dads and their gym junkie mothers. Don't leave it on the table son; you might only get one shot at the title.
"Then remind him that the reason God made him in the image of a bookend is because there can be no greater calling in life and no greater honour than to pack down in the engine room of the game they play in heaven and to lead those pigs forward into battle and into history. Apply a bit of Dencorub to his chest and send him to bed with plenty of encouragement and a hot water bottle."
Daniel played, and the Tartans won, as John Eales and Phil Kearns - and their charming wives, thank you very much - looked on stoically. Gotta love this city.
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