You turn up at any club with you boots in your kit bag at 6.15pm Tuesday or Thursday.

You introduce yourself to any slightly rotund older individual present who is not wearing training gear. He is invariably a committeeman.

He will be very interested in you at first, especially if you are of a reasonable size and build. He will ask you where you played before, and in what position, and how old you are.

When you tell him you haven't played before a look of mild disappointment will cloud his face, but he will invariably say "no problems" and will call over a mildly overweight cherubic fellow of about 40-50 years of age who he will introduce as the fourth grade Coach.

This individual will be your friend, mentor and protector for the duration of your stay at the club. Cherish him.

He will show you around the club facilities and then introduce you to about 4 of your future team mates.

There will be one tall one, about 30 years of age, with a broken front tooth and a perpetual grin on his face . There will be 2 short fat ones with cauliflower ears and squashed noses who despite appearances will be suprisingly articulate and intelligent. There will also be a skinny young fellow, about 30 kilos in weight who joined the club the week before.

These will be the core group of your teammates for the coming season.

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Part 4
Part 5