slighty OT

I was comtemplating forthcoming sporting events recently and told my partner of the exciting prospect of Ricky Hatton’s (the boxer) next fight with Floyd Mayweather in December.
I was relishing the thought of two boxers with taught, muscle toned bodies, pounding each other with just a pair of shorts on when, my partner said, ”Ricky who?”
I had to remind him that he was the boxer that pummelled Kazoo to early defeat a couple of years ago (June 2005 actually).
Silly me, I meant Kosta Tzyu of course, a kazoo is a much-maligned musical instrument with no connection to boxing!
But wait, would it make boxing more interesting and humorous if both fighters were equipped with kazoo’s?
Imagine the sound difference as both boxers jabbed and punched through the fight.
The big punch to the solar plexus would be followed by the unmistakable noise of the kazoo from the receiver, indicating to opponent and judges that a telling blow has been landed.
Obviously it would be too dangerous to use conventional kazoo’s as they could be accidentally rammed up someone’s nostril.
The idea of incorporating the kazoo in the mouthguard came to me and I’ve just got back from the patent office.
Following this, I have another idea but I’m not sure if the boxing fraternity is ready for this one.
It may give an unfair advantage to one boxer.
Have you ever seen anybody able to fight when they are laughing? Neither have I.
What makes more people laugh than anything else? Answer, flatulence.
So I have incorporated the humble “whoopee cushion” into a set of boxing gloves.
The inflation valve is set into the thumb area and can be accessed at the end of each round by the corner men.
The trick is to adjust the valve, so the gloves can last he full 3-minute rounds.
I have been practicing with my partner (who I suspect has taken a few in the ring) in my green shopping shorts, with no chillis in sight (“ha bloody ha”).
I only have gloves for right-handers at the moment, as I have adjusted the pitch of the left glove to be somewhat higher than the right.
This enables the jab to be accompanied by a short sharp bursts and the heavier blows from the right hand to emit the hilarious throatier noises.
If the fight ever does go the distance, but I doubt it, the judges could easily count the landed blows very accurately.
Imagine the scene at the start of the fight.
The ref tells the boxer’s he wants a good clean fight etc, then “touch gloves” he says.
A decent little shove by the holder would emit the first sound.
This is where the first smirk would appear on the unsuspecting opponent.
I estimate that after about 60 secs, depending on the number of jabs, the opponent will be laughing aloud.
By the end of round, despite being belted black and blue, the boxer would hardly be able to stand through laughter and concussion.
If the opponent lasts the first round the corner men will be too busy wiping the tears of laughter from their own eyes to give any useful advice.
The other corner would be busy inflating the gloves for round 2, themselves trying not break down and ruin their mans concentration.
There lies a clue into the hard part.
The boxer sporting the whoopee gloves could also be affected by the emissions from his own gloves.
This is probably where years of training are needed to try and ignore the sounds of your own gloves. Very hard.
Remember it’s not easy hitting someone when you are laughing either, so these gloves will take high levels of concentration to be used effectively.
I don’t think these gloves will be generally available for some time yet, as the W.B.A. usually drag their feet on new ideas.
Probably the reason for posting this on a rugby site, was that I thought the idea could be adapted for use in rugby union.
Especially with the world cup starting this week, its maybe just what we need to change the balance.
I have successfully sewn a whoopee cushion discreetly into the chest area of a rugby jumper.
I envisaged that the maximum effect for the use of these jumpers would be in the scrums.
Imagine the noise just after “crouch, touch, engage “. The front row would be in stitches, unable to exert any meaningful pressure.
Unfortunately, the whoopee cushion has been sewn in the chest area and would be needed to be pressed by hand.
This would obviously give too much unfair advantage to Richie McCaw, as he seems to be the only one who doesn’t bind properly.
Ah well, it’s back to the drawing board.

man....what ARE you drinking?

Smoking would be the better question....

Cedric, the intellectual giant!

too much time on your hands.

Love your avatar Cedric.

Cedric, you should investigate secreting the device into the "man boobs" on the Wallaby jerseys. Saturday might be a bit tight time-wise but imagine the reaction of those Japs should any of their men decide to "cop a feel". I've seen some of those Japanese game shows and this type of thing has them rolling about the floor in uncontrollable fits of laughter.

That is a first class idea shasta, i am surprised the japs haven't thought of it themselves...Or maybe they have.....

You guys been hanging around with cousins or what??????:iconrofl:

i got square eyes now cedric,

bloody SUMOS playing rugby LOL LOL

I never saw this when first posted - what a couple of great ideas Cedric!

I'm thinking that the whoopee cushion sewn into the pocket or hip area of the shorts would be better (notwithstanding any Hopoate-type contact) as a good tackle, driving the shoulder into the upper leg could result in a devastating bum bugle-type sound which would surely stop most everyone in their tracks.

Think of the advantages: the stunned players would momentarily lose their appetite for possession of the pill while determining the wiseness of burrowing in (on their feet and through the gate, of course) to an area which may require a gas mask. Thus making the ball easily visible to the referee - and available for distribution by the first hearty soul who ventures in when all others hesitate. Don't worry about any Experimental Law Variations to get an open, flowing game - just modify the shorts! Pure genius...:thumleft:

I hate Emus

Quote:

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Originally Posted by The Cassowary

I hate Emus

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Maybe try some of the CUB products instead? Carlton Cold is quite nice

LOL ... i want a kazoo mouth gard...

fantastic!!!

auss.

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