TWF Mourns Double Death as Western Force Storm Home
by James Growden
The Western Force's thrilling win over the ACT Brumbies has been tarnished tonight as Sydney fashion police have reported a two rugby-related deaths in Australia's biggest city. Prominent TWF contributors Waratah Jesus and Mudskipper were found dead in their respective houses with what appears to be two cases of death by overeating. Both 'men' were collapsed over two very large helpings of humble pie. Police wish to speak to Emirates Western Force players Richard Brown and Cameron Shepherd who are believed to have been responsible for the two deaths- Shepherd alledgedly providing three of the servings. The deceased pair were both quoted earlier on in the week as saying that "Shepherd was overrated". Forensic scientists at the scene have yet to establish if it was the pie or simply death by embarrasment that is to blame. NSW rugby journalist, Greg Growden, has gone on the record stating: "I am shocked and appauled. Noone left any pie for me." Friends and loved-ones of the pair have been asked to give a eulogy for the pair. Noone as yet has come forward. Police do not expect this situation to change.
In other rugby related news, reports are surfacing about a player uprising against Brumbies coach Andy Friend. Word on the wire is that new recruit, Matt Giteau, has already started spreading the seeds of discontent and turning the Brumbies against their mentor. "He ain't no Friend of mine" Giteau quipped. The reports are clearly true as the Brumbies seemed to be playing "for themselves" and had "no loyalty". Their attack was "directionless". Player unrest is the only answer.
Coach Andy Friend has reportedly been in contact with ex-Firepower boss Tim Johnson. Johnson has offered Friend a position as head cleaning maid at his Majorca mansion.