got this email today.. thought it was pretty funny..... and true!
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb at your school?
Applecross Senior High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to write to
the Sunday Times about how she did it as well as any private school student.
Or none because everyone was killed when the buildings fell apart.
Aquinas - Two. One to mix the martinis and one to phone the electrician.
Balcatta High - Four. One to order a Venetian chandelier from her cousin
Roberto who owns a lighting warehouse and imports from the old country, one
to arrange delivery cause his sister's husband Tony has an uncle whose mate,
Angelo, has a truck, one to put the squeeze on his neighbour Dominic the
electrician because he owes him a favour and one to make sure everything is
Balga Senior High School - Five. One to change it and four to cruise the
street for the perfect Puff Daddy style outfit to steal off someone to wear
for the occasion.
Bond Uni - Two. One to change it but only after the other one has found an
interpreter to translate the English instructions.
Bunbury Senior High - Five. One to change it, and four to go to Target and
nick new flannelette shirts to wear for the occasion.
Canning Vale College - none... coz the principal would say "NOT AT CVC!!"
CBC Fremantle - None. They're all too drunk to notice.
Cecil Andrews High - Nobody bothered to ask because nobody cares about
Central College of TAFE - 20. One to change the bulb, two to pop down to
the markets to buy wool to make a macramé jacquard shade for it in the new
season's colours, one to photograph the naked bulb in situ from 300 angles,
three to arrange the art exhibition for the jacquard shade, the rest to make
vapid comments and drink Great Western 'champagne' at the opening. Muresk
Agricultural College - Seventy six. One to change the globe. Fifty to
protest the globe's right not to change and twenty five to stage a counter
Christ Church Grammar School - None. It's too hard to find a new globe with
their Armani sunglasses on.
Curtin Uni - Five. One to design a nuclear powered one that never needs
changing, two to install it and one to write the computer programme that
controls the switch, one to rig the vending machine
Duncraig Senior High- All the emo's (so... like half the school...). To
watch as the one with the tightest jeans and the worse hair tries to change
the bulb and fails becoz he can't see thru the tears in his eyes and then to
sit around in the dark strumming acoustic guitars and singing about the old
Eastern Hills Senior High - Ten. One to change it and one to buy the hair
gel to impress and ultimately lay the SwanView chicks, while the rest
compete wiv da Christian Bruvvers for da turf Midland Station.
Edith Cowan Uni - Eleven. One to change it and ten to share the experience.
Emmanuel Catholic College - None. they're all too busy staring at the yr 10
babe's g strings.
Girrawheen Senior High School - Ten. One to change the bulb, two to
negotiate a pay off to rival gangs to prevent anything going down during the
change and the rest to stake out just in case.
Gosnells High - 76. One person to throw a chair and break the bulb, one to
be hit by the chair, one to call that guy a dickhead, one to stab the name
caller, twelve aboriginals to start stabbing everyone in the class, thirty
two police to control the aboriginals, eight paramedics to treat the
injured, three to counsel the students, one replacement teacher, two
security guards to secure the classroom, one to see the broken light bulb,
three to hold up Corfield deli for a new globe, and one to replace the
Governor Stirling Senior High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to
figure out how to get high off the old one.
Guildford Grammar - Two. One to change the bulb and one to crack under the
Hale - Two. One to install the new bulb completely powered by testosterone
and one to brag about it loudly.
Hami High- None cant affort lightbulbs
Iona Presentation College - Two. One to change the bulb and one to phone
daddy to pay for it.
John Curtin Senior High - Two. One student and one teacher but not before
they make out.
John Forrest Senior High- None. You don't need light globes on a cricket
Kelmscott High - Eighteen. One to notice it is broken, one to tell the
teacher, one to write permission slips for the students, one to get a new
bulb, one to get a chair, one to replace the bulb, four aboriginals to walk
past and abuse the bulb changer, six students to swear at the aboriginals,
one to suspend the abusers, and one to write the suspension notices
Kwinana - Twenty. All Aboriginal. One to hijack the Transperth bus to get
to the Hub to get one off of another whose just held up the store at
knifepoint and stolen it, six to surround the bus from the Hub and 'smash'
anyone who looks at them funny, whilst calling them 'white kents', one to
bash the security guard who turns up at the school suspicious, and one to
install the light globe. He then pisses on it and short circuits it, and
another ten have to start the process again coz the others have nicked off
into the bush with some cones.
Lumen Christi College - none, they'd just ignore it and put it on the list
for everything else to be fixed.
Maddington Senior High School - fifteen. Ten are needed to break into a
house steal a light bulb, TV, VCR, Playstation, stereo and anything else
that fetches a good price from the local dealer, and five to break into the
school change the light bulb and again steal anything of value.
Mazenod - Three, one to get word around that the St Brigid's girls are
talking about a screw, one to replace the bulb and one to pray that they get
it done in time to beat the local public school boys to the St Brigid's
Mercedes College - Five. One to change the bulb, two to reassure her that
she doesn't look fat at the top of the ladder and two to circulate photos
showing that she does.
Mirrabooka High - None. That hole looks better in the dark.
MLC - Four. One to smash the glass ceiling so that they can get to the top
of the ladder, one to install the globe and two to check that it's brighter
Murdoch Uni - Six. One to change the bulb and five to support its sexual
New Norcia College - None. Those poor bastards are keeping their backs to
the wall even if it means standing in the dark.
Notre Dame Uni - None. They brought notes from their guardians excusing
Penhros - Three. One to change it and two to make sure her hair ribbons are
still in place afterwards.
Perth College - Depends, could be one, could be ten, no one is prepared to
commit unless the Guildford Grammar boys are definitely going to be there.
Perth Modern - The entire school. One to remove the perfectly good globe,
two to work out how to dispose of it so that it's dolphin safe, one to
replace it with candles and the rest to sit on mats and express in words and
music how they feel about the change.
Perth Waldorf Steiner School - One, because she's a unique, self motivated,
PLC - One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her
Prendiville - Seven. One to insist it doesn't need to be on and the other 6
to continue their deviant sexual behaviour.
Rockingham Senior High - Six. Two to break into the store, one to steal the
globe, one to install it and two to help him reach the socket using their
pregnant tummies as steps.
Safety Bay Senior High School- Eight. Six crazy girls dressed in black, and
war paint on a mission. One doing the happy dance, one driving the getaway
vehicle, one holding the spray-paint cans, one saying how light bulbs are
dolphin friendly, two on the lookout, talking gibberish... then we run up &
spray-paint the table, umm I mean change the light bulb... and two teachers
to walk past saying Make sure u don't get any paint on those clothes."
Scotch College - Three. One to put in a formal complaint about the
imposition, one to change the bulb and one to make the observation that it
isn't half as bright as the light shining from their arses.
Somerville Baptist - None. It's Winthrop's building.
St Brigid's College - Five, one to screw it in, two to laugh about the word
screw and two to message the Mazenod boys about it.
St Hilda's - One. She'll put through a call to maintenance staff because
there's no way she's going to do manual labour.
St Mary's Anglican Girls School - The girl who answered the phone said she
was pleased to be included with the other schools but probably would never
know the answer because her Daddy had said to phone immediately if the
maintenance man made any disgusting suggestions.
St Stephens School- Everyone. A group in the toilets to break the light
globe. The staff to announce the breakage in the daily notices. The P&F,
student affairs and House Council to organise a fete to raise money for the
bulb over a period of ten years with an added 'bulb levy' on school fees.
The house captains to officiate the bulb changing ceremony in front of the
school body at which a speech is made on how the change has affected the
school and its spiritual journey.
Swan Valley Christian School - Two. One human and God just to make sure the
light shelters all in need, whether it be for food, shelter...blah blah
Swanview High - None. They're all down at Midland station having a ciggie.
Thornlie Senior High School - go after someone else, stab them for the
light bulb then defend it in your "territory".
Trinity - Sixteen. One to send out the invitations, two to get the beer,
one to change the bulb, one to buy Ralph Lauren polos for everyone, two to
smuggle the chicks in and one to keep watch for the boarding master. The
second eight just need to be ready to back them up.
UWA - Fifteen. One to change it and the rest to walk around as if they own
the place and talk it up.
UWA Conservatorium - Forty Three. One to change the globe and a 42 piece
orchestra to accompany him.WAAPA - Five. One to change the globe and four to
do an interpretive dance about it.
Wesley College - Seven. One to change it. The other six just stand around
Willetton Senior High School - Five. One to change it, two to smoke pot
when the lights are out, one to make sure its better than applecross and one
to send a picture to the local paper. Or none cos the whole thing just
Winthrop Baptist - Two. One to change the bulb and one to make sure that
Somerville doesn't 'borrow' it