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1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait
until 4:00pm and then bring it to me. The
challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a "rush job", run in and
interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's
going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind
me, advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where
you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative
when someone asks where you are.
4. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me
what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a
mediocre performance rating with a cost of living
increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't
tell me which the priority is. I like being a psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this
office and really have nowhere to go or anything
to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.
If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I
like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job,
don't write them down. In fact, save them until
the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with.
I have no right to know anything. In the
corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you
refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Tell me all your little problems. No one else
has any and it's nice to know someone is less
fortunate. I especially like the story about
having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check
you received for being such a good manager.
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A good read!
