In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding
officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring
colonel.

After welcoming his replacement and showing the courtesies (gin
and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the
retiring colonel said, "You mustmeet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man, God, he's
really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."

Smithers wassummoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to
meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen
of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three
foot tall.

"Smithers,old man, tell your new CO about yourself."

"Well,sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the
regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines.
I'verepresented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a
Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I
have researched the history of..."

Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that
Smithers, the CO can find all that in your file.
Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to get
fucked."