Election News

[SNOB]

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him,

"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes south latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Liberal Coalition supporter”.

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Labor supporter."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are -- or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow - now it's my fault."

[shasta]

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from Sydney, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything

inside is numbered.'

The second, from Brisbane, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from Perth, says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon, from Canberra chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Melbourne shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine..Plus, the head and the arse are interchangeable.