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Thread: Yes, We Have No Bananas

  1. #1
    Legend Contributor fulvio sammut's Avatar
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    Yes, We Have No Bananas

    Last year, when bananas were $17 a kilo, the senior grades at Palmyra were supplied with copious quantities of the fruit for after game resuscitation.

    This year, when they can be sourced for a mere $1.99 a kilo, club president Kim "Scrooge" Short has decreed, as a cost saving measure, the the players should supply their own. I don't yet know if this will lead to a player revolt, but there have been rumblings in the change rooms about taking a pair of scissors to the committees' "hospitality" cards on the first match day.

    What is going on at Nedlands? Word is that things are not well at that club, at least politically, and that machiavellian plots are being hatched. Uneasy sits the crown ...

    I hear a certain player who jumped clubs is about to receive a rude surprise, as is the club that is relying on him to replace an ornament of the game who won't be available this year. Seems both the player and the new club have overlooked the enforceability of a legally binding and registered player contract which won't be voided by the Party of the First Part...

    Rockingham stocks are going up and up with the dream appearance at the club of a newly transferred highly qualified New Zealand Navy Rugby coach seconded to the Stirling Naval base for a couple of years. Apparently he walked into the club and offered his services in any capacity, gratis, no strings attached. I dare say he will be followed by a useful bunch of Kiwi Navy rugby lads to bolster the fast swelling player numbers at Lark Hill, at least in the lower grades.

    Associates are, for the first time since their move to Swanbourne, sweating on player numbers. Thirds and Fourths are looking dicey, and you can forget about second teams in those grades. Under 18s are also kaput.

    Cottesloe managed 6 players at under 18s training this week, despite a high powered, desperate recruiting drive. Make of that what you will.

    RugbyWA are all a dither. First, Southern Lions were upgraded to first division Third Grade at the expense of Rockingham, and then, as suddenly as David Redpath made the solemn announcement, they were demoted to second tier again. Never underestimate the fury of a scorned Wallaroo, it seems. Curious, as Rockingham didn't even field a third Grade last year, and the Lions played in the grand final.

    In a lean week for gossip and innuendo, this is all I'm able to come up with.

    Over to you lot.

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    Last edited by fulvio sammut; 06-04-12 at 00:30.

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    Legend Contributor brokendown gunfighter's Avatar
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    Bananas! sheer luxury
    let them eat cake

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  3. #3
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    A big kid from the country came to a club in Perth for a trail match. During the first half he was everywhere, topped the tackle count, stole 4 lineouts, scored a try and was looking like a star in the making. During a break in play the Coach sent the medic out to talk to the kid and told him

    " Coach thinks you are going well and wants to save you for next weeks game, so go hard for the next 10 minutes and we'll pull you off at half time"

    The kids replied " Wow this city rugby's pretty good. In the bush we just get oranges"

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    It was just after dark when the truck started down
    the hill that leads into Scranton Pennsylvania.
    Carrying thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
    Carrying thirty thousand pounds (hit it Big John) of bananas.

    He was a young driver,
    just out on his second job.
    And he was carrying the next day's pasty fruits
    for everyone in that coal-scarred city
    where children play without despair
    in backyard slag-piles and folks manage to eat each day
    about thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
    Yes, just about thirty thousand pounds (scream it again, John) .

    He passed a sign that he should have seen,
    saying "shift to low gear, a fifty dollar fine my friend."
    He was thinking perhaps about the warm-breathed woman
    who was waiting at the journey's end.
    He started down the two mile drop,
    the curving road that wound from the top of the hill.
    He was pushing on through the shortening miles that ran down to the depot.
    Just a few more miles to go,
    then he'd go home and have her ease his long, cramped day away.
    and the smell of thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
    Yes the smell of thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

    He was picking speed as the city spread its twinkling lights below him.
    But he paid no heed as the shivering thoughts of the nights
    delights went through him.
    His foot nudged the brakes to slow him down.
    But the pedal floored easy without a sound.
    He said "Christ!"
    It was funny how he had named the only man who could save him now.
    He was trapped inside a dead-end hellslide,
    riding on his fear-hunched back
    was every one of those yellow green
    I'm telling you thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
    Yes, there were thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

    He barely made the sweeping curve that led into the steepest grade.
    And he missed the thankful passing bus at ninety miles an hour.
    And he said "God, make it a dream!"
    as he rode his last ride down.
    And he said "God, make it a dream!"
    as he rode his last ride down.
    And he sideswiped nineteen neat parked cars,
    clipped off thirteen telephone poles,
    hit two houses, bruised eight trees,
    and Blue-Crossed seven people.
    it was then he lost his head,
    not to mention an arm or two before he stopped.
    And he slid for four hundred yards
    along the hill that leads into Scranton, Pennsylvania.
    All those thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

    You know the man who told me about it on the bus,
    as it went up the hill out of Scranton, Pennsylvania,
    he shrugged his shoulders, he shook his head,
    and he said (and this is exactly what he said)
    "Boy that sure must've been something.
    Just imagine thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
    Yes, there were thirty thousand pounds of mashed bananas.
    Of bananas. Just bananas. Thirty thousand pounds.
    of Bananas. not no driver now. Just bananas!"

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    "Pain heels. Chicks dig scars and Glory lasts forever." Shane Falco

  5. #5
    Legend Contributor fulvio sammut's Avatar
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    Shorty must have been on that bus last year.

    That's why we got free bananas.

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  6. #6
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    Pally a "Banna republic" now perhaps?

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  7. #7
    Immortal Contributor shasta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brokendown gunfighter View Post
    Bananas! sheer luxury
    let them eat cake
    Cake!!??

    When I were a lad we were so poor that our dad used to take us to KFC to lick other people's fingers

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    "The main difference between playing League and Union is that now I get my hangovers on Monday instead of Sunday - Tom David


  8. #8
    Legend Contributor fulvio sammut's Avatar
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    Liar - the colonel wasn't even born when you were a kid!

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  9. #9
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    Use that wooden spoon of yours to make Nana Smoothies Fulvs.

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  10. #10
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    Can't give you the spoon Hansie you might choke on it
    Posted via Mobile Device

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  11. #11
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    If you are having problems at Palmyra finding a second grade coach, talk to the recruitment officer at Rocky, he may be able to help.

    Which of your threads is more relevant
    fulvio?

    "Another season, another pain in the arse drive from the minnow clubs wanting to play with the big boys.

    Why can't they get it into their heads that clubs with five plus teams want to play against clubs with five plus teams and want for their social grades to play at the same venues as their seniors?

    What senior club gives a flying toss about Joondalup, Leeming (or whatever they call themselves this week) or Mandurah? Form your own Disneyland Union and play with yourselves. You are not needed or wanted. Serve the purpose you pledged you were created for, to service juniors whose parents can't be bothered driving their children to a proper club."

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  12. #12
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    Probably not wise being cocky at this stage of the season, given Rockingham's lack of player depth and inherent vulnerability.

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  13. #13
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    Not being cocky at all.

    A premier club is a premier club.

    Associates is a premier club whether or not they have 3rds, 4ths or an under 18s. The same goes for Cott ,Rocky or any other club with a first grade team.

    They should be given preference.

    Premier clubs will support premier clubs over district clubs .

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  14. #14
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    Add kala to that list struggling to get a full turn out for first an seconds .. 24-28 tops , also roo dogs in same boat with alot of players "still to turn up" weather from perth airport or from local clubs
    Posted via Mobile Device

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  15. #15
    Legend Contributor fulvio sammut's Avatar
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    Took me a while, but I've worked out what you're on about.

    I agree with you, Hohepa, my point was that RugbyWA always seem to take the easiest solution, the louder you scream the more attention you get.

    Upgrading Leeming would have created problems for everyone else in third grade, and I'm glad Rocky stood up to it and RugbyWA capitulated.

    But I hope Rocky can maintain player numbers down the grades, and really, Leeming could probably argue a better case than Rocky for being there on recent performances.

    You don't have to want something to happen to know that it should happen, on merit, if not on practicality.

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