Peter FitzSimons
July 23, 2011

THE FITZ FILES


BRAVO the Wallabies. Not for their loss against the valiant Samoan side, which was dispiriting to say the least - but for what happened the following day. The side headed down to Coogee Beach for a recovery session in the freezing water and upon the soft sand and, as they were finishing, they were spotted by four young men with intellectual disabilities - getting some fresh air with their carer. One of them, Tolga, a young Turkish-born lad, decides he wants to do the haka to ''the big one'', who proves to be second-rower Nathan Sharpe. Good idea, Tolga. The carer walks over to Sharpe, who has just got out of the surf, to ask would he mind. Yes, Sharpe would mind.

For the haka to be done properly, it shouldn't be done just to him, he explains, but to the entire team, which he promptly organises. And, so, there the Wallabies stand, respectfully, as Tolga unleashes a singularly impressive version of the haka. Upon completion, the Wallabies applaud, crowd around, shake his hand and give him lots of high-fives for his trouble. In the words of his carer: ''Tolga left Coogee a celebrity, with a story to tell for the rest of his days in his own unique way.'' The great All Blacks coach and All Black himself Sir Brian Lochore - who I am proud to call a friend - is fond of saying, ''Better men make better All Blacks'', and it is a wonderful principle. The Wallabies are very good men to have so reacted - reminiscent of the 1991 Wallaby World Cup champions under Nick Farr-Jones - and, under the circumstances, I think we'll have to take that as the best sign of the triumphs to come this year. And good on you, Tolga.


TOO GOOD BY HALF
When Western Samoa beat Wales 9-3 in the 1991 World Cup, Welsh comedian Phil Kingsley Jones famously said: ''Thank God we weren't playing all of Samoa.'' Now, in the wake of the Wallabies' stunning defeat at the hands of Manu Samoa last Sunday, despite us having six times the number of players as them and infinitely more resources, well might we say the same. For there is just something about that tiny scattering of islands in the deep Pacific to our far north-west that produces extraordinary athletes with great commitment and discipline. As a matter of fact, America's 60 Minutes recently did a profile of the athletes from American Samoa, just next door, highlighting the fact that, somehow, from a population of just 65,000 people, this tiny speck boasts no fewer than 30 Samoans playing in the NFL with more than 200 playing playing division 1 college football. The estimation is that lads born to Samoan parents are 56 times more likely to play in the NFL than if they were born to American parents. So Kingsley Jones really was on to something. Just imagine if all those Samoan NFL players had been raised on rugby alone and they all played together in the one rugby Test team, as the men of the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland do. They really could rule the world!



PROP LOGIC
In the meantime? In the meantime, a bloke is driving through that little place you pass through just out of Walgett and is a little lost. So, he calls in at a pub and says to the barman, who is a prop forward in the local football side: ''Can you tell me the quickest way to town?'' The prop, with the vacant gaze possessed of props the world over, says: ''Are you walkin' or drivin'?'' The bloke says: ''I'm driving.'' The prop says: ''Well, I think that'd be the quickest.''



SIR LUNCHALOT
Max Delmege, the businessman said to have put $10 million into the Manly Sea Eagles to keep them afloat, might have fallen on tough times of late - with all kinds of lurid stories hitting the tabloids about his financial devastation and complicated personal life - but things are not so bad that he can't still hold court at lunch in that most fashionable of Sydney restaurants, Machiavelli, as he did on Wednesday. Just who he was with completely escaped our slightly drunken spy - me - although the three young men seemed to hang on his every word. At the next table, in the old ''Kerry Packer'' seat in the corner was erstwhile state Liberal leader John Brogden, also a man of the northern beaches, who greeted Delmege like a long-lost brother when he spied him. Yes, things change in Sydney, and empires rise and fall as the seasons change and the years go by. But lunch goes on.



JON, JON, JON … OI, OI, OI
The best TV performer in America for my money is Jon Stewart of The Daily Show. On Wednesday night, he was having a lot of fun skewering Fox News coverage of the Murdoch hacking saga, including a clip where conservative columnist Cal Thomas decried the number of other media organisations taking joy in the woes of News Corporation, and adding to it with their own vicious coverage. ''This,'' he fulminated, ''is the biggest case of piling on since the last rugby game I saw.'' ''Rugby?'' Stewart fired back. ''If you're going to kiss Rupert Murdoch's arse with a reference, at least call it Aussie rules football.'' A breakthrough!



WOOLLY WINGERS
Memo to all ex-rugby wingers, and everyone else who loves knitting and knows how to crochet, etc. Adam Spencer and the crowd at 2BL Breakfast are creating a massive green and gold scarf to keep the Wallabies warm at the Rugby World Cup. To do it, they need lots of green and gold knitted squares, measuring 25 centimetres on the sides, using eight-ply wool and made with size eight needles. (Don't worry, the wingers not only understand that kind of talk, they love it.) You can send your squares to the ABC Ultimo Centre or bring them to the KNIT IN live broadcast on August 5, from 7am. Got all that? Get going, Campo.



WHAT THEY SAID
Samoa's Kahn Fotuali'i: ''One of the boys spoke in the team huddle about leaving our legacy out here, creating something that people will talk about for the next 20 years, and we did that.'' I'd say 50 years. But it does make the MasterCard ad celebrating their 1991 World Cup victory over Wales somewhat out of date, does it not?

Warren Ryan on Canterbury hooker Michael Ennis: ''That bloke could start a fight in solitary confinement.''

British Open winner Darren Clarke will still be at the Irish Open later in the month: ''I may not be sober for the Irish Open, but I will be there.''

Japanese goalkeeper Ayumi Kaihori after doing brilliantly well in the penalty shoot-out in the Women's World Cup final: ''I allowed two goals in the match so I put my heart into the shoot-out. It hasn't sunk in. This stuff only happens on TV.''

The highly readable Sun-Herald soccer commentator Craig Foster: ''Spain did not start to play mesmerising tiki-taka football because they had the players to do so, rather they developed the players to do so by playing mesmerising tiki-taka football." What do you suppose he is smoking?

Jodie Notting (nee Henry) on retiring from swimming: ''Nothing went wrong. I just got sick of it like a normal Joe Blow would get sick of their normal job. That happens and people move on.''

Sir Richard Hadlee addressing a function jointly hosted by The Cricketers Club of NSW and The LBW Trust last week: ''England's former Test cricketer Derek Randall was an eccentric character. He batted well but his running between the wickets was chaotic. It was said of him that he could bat like Wally Hammond but ran between wickets like Charlie Chaplin!''

Anti-gambling campaigner, the admirable Reverend Tim Costello, maintains the AFL should walk away from gambling agencies that are ruining the sport. ''To say the AFL is regulating this is a bit like leaving Dracula in charge of the blood bank.''

Robert Allenby on the shocking weather at the British Open: ''There is not one piece of me that's dry. My eyelids are probably the driest part of my body.''

David Campese on the Wallabies' loss: ''Some of the guys playing for the Wallabies shouldn't have been out there.''

Robbie Deans on the just-dropped Matt Giteau: ''Matt will obviously want a role going forward. And he obviously has a role going forward. We don't know exactly what that will entail in terms of playing …"

Simon Cowley after being awarded $180,000 in damages for having been king-hit by fellow swimmer Nick D'Arcy four years ago: ''The judge found that Nick was not acting in self-defence and … that is what was proven in court. This … was never about the money. I can finally put Nick D'Arcy to bed in my mind.''



TEAM OF THE WEEK
Darren Clarke. The popular 44-year-old Northern Irishman, pictured, won the British Open, his first major victory. The only pity was that he appeared a little drunk at his press conference the next morning.

Cadel Evans. Since the Tour de France began in 1903, only 11 countries have been able to claim the victor - the US the only non-European one. But he's still a chance!

Manu Samoa rugby team. Recorded the greatest victory in their history when they beat the Wallabies 32-23 last Sunday. Sigh. Can't we go back to when Samoans didn't play on Sundays for religious reasons, so that, "on the seventh day, the rest of the rugby world could rest"?

Northern Ireland. Has claimed three of the past five golf majors.

Steve Williams. The caddie of Tiger Woods was sacked this week, after Tiger worked out that it was all his fault.

Nathan Hindmarsh. Chalked up 300 games for Parramatta last week.

Craig Hamilton. The popular ABC sports broadcaster will be releasing his next book A Better Life next year as a follow up to Broken Open, which dealt with his descent into, and subsequent ascent from, depression.

Tour de Grozzi. A bunch of fatter-than-they-should-be Riverview old boys, who, every Tour de France, jump on their exercise bikes to raise money for the Leukaemia Foundation. See tourdegrozzi.blogspot.com

Norths Rugby. For the first time in 47 years, all four Norths grade teams ventured to Chatswood Oval to play Gordon, and won all four grades.

Japan. Won the Women's World Cup against the United States in a fitting match for a great tournament.

RIP Halley Appleby. The 21-year-old Queensland University first-grade hooker died due to brain and spinal injuries after a freak tackle in Saturday's match against GPS in Brisbane. The Wallabies will wear black arm bands in his honour today.



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