Joke for the day.

[LarryNJ]

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of
female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer
and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively
without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and
refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

[Flamethrower]

Lets get this going again.


A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.

The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him,

"What's your IQ?"

The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about

global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry,
environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and
sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool."

He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and
comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the
perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responds, "about a 100." Immediately the robot starts talking,
but this time, about football, Bathurst1000, cricket, supermodels,
favourite fast foods, guns, and women's breasts.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot
one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks,
"What's your IQ?"

The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."

And the robot says... real slowly..."So...............ya gonna follow
the Dockers again this year?"

[Flamethrower]

A plane with 4 passengers is about to crash, but has only three
parachutes. The first passenger says "I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA
basketball player. The Lakers need me. I can't afford to die." So he
takes the first parachute and leaves the plane.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says "I am the wife of the
former President of the United States. I am the most ambitious woman in
the world. I am also a New York Senator, a potential future President,
and above all, the smartest woman in America." She grabs the second
parachute and leaves the plane.

The third passenger, The Rev. Billy Graham, says to the fourth
passenger, a 10 year old school boy, "I am old and I don't have many
years left. As a Christian I will sacrifice my life and let you have the
last parachute."

The boy says, "It's okay. There is still a parachute left for you.
America's smartest woman took my school backpack."

[LarryNJ]

To: Tech Support

Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of the phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0, but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me?

Jonathan Powell


To: Mr. Powell

This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES AND ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything.

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than their original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony / Child Support. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPSs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The
best course of action will be to push the apologize button, then the reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFS. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very
high maintenance.

[Flamethrower]

2 Elephants walk off a cliff.


boom! boom!

That is just woeful