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Thread: Admit a team of quokkas to Super 14

  1. #1
    (formerly known as Coach) Your Humble Servant Darren's Avatar
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    Admit a team of quokkas to Super 14

    Aaron Timms | December 2, 2007 - 4:33PM
    SMH

    Reports last week that Western Force players may have been guilty of picking on quokkas on Rottnest Island provided welcome news for all those who had been struggling to think of how Australian teams would be competitive in next year's Super 14.

    Admitting a team of quokkas into the 2008 competition will not only solve the problem of how Queensland can avoid the wooden spoon next season, it will allow Australian rugby players to avoid the negative press that their frequent, drunken attacks on South Africans, passers-by, women, children, taxi drivers and each other regularly attract, by focusing their hatred on quokkas instead.

    No doubt some - the animal-pashers, toilet flush refuseniks and serial bed-wetters of the Left - will blanch at the suggestion of admitting a team composed entirely of small, defenceless marsupials into the slick, commercialised Super 14 world.

    And sure, if it does decide to proceed with the proposal outlined in this column, the ARU may have to consider allowing the quokkas certain on-field concessions (eg paws in the ruck, jumping in from the side allowed).

    But that aside, the reality is that the entry of quokkas into the Super 14 would be no more than a natural progression of developments that both of the rugby codes in this country, with their fetishisation of the wallaby and the kangaroo respectively, have themselves initiated.

    From there, the possibilities for expansion would be almost limitless, with bilbies, quolls, bettongs and potaroos all presenting themselves as obvious franchise candidates for a new, dramatically expanded Australian representation in the SANZAR provincial tournament.

    Needless to say, a Super 14 made up of Australian marsupial makeweights will also have the consequence of gifting Australia's homo sapiens-based teams a couple of easy wins each season, thereby allowing them to rise from their customary bottom-of-the-ladder ignominy to mid-table respectability.

    The "quokkas for Super 14 rugby" push also makes sense from a marketing point of view. As everyone knows, John O'Neill needs something big - a striking, memorable gesture - to get his sport back on track.

    After the inactivity of the Gary Flowers era, in which it was impossible to arrange even the simplest of kickarounds with a bandicoot, and requests for scrum drills with opossums had to be submitted to the ARU for clearance six months in advance of the contemplated drill date (on account of some woolly, unparticularised concern for "marsupial welfare"), giving a Super 14 franchise to the Rottnest Island quokkas might just be the marketing coup that will tilt the balance of power back towards rugby union.

    Ultimately, the only way the ARU will be able to reassert its authority at a regional and international level is if it plays to Australia's traditional strengths.

    And there's no area in which Australia is stronger than marsupial diversity.

    Before long, quokkas will become the sworn enemy of every North Shore private school kid - and that's no more than many of us, in our honest moments, have dreamt of for years.

    http://www.rugbyheaven.com.au/news/n...530470766.html

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  2. #2
    Immortal GIGS20's Avatar
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    Can anybody figure out why I don't read rugbyheaven?

    I know it's meant to be a humour piece, but shouldn't a humour piece be actually funny?

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    C'mon the

  3. #3
    Veteran Contributor frontrow's Avatar
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    I read this yesterday and didn't think it warranted a mention, nothings changed really...
    This whole incident is really a great pain in the arse for the Force, hopefully the lads involved grow up and start acting like adults once again...

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    Proudly bought to you by a brewery somewhere....

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    Legend Court Reporter
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    Thats whats helping me through this Frontrow.... the hope that it will be a big wake-up call for the players and they won't screw up like this again any time soon. I don't think it is bad enough that it will have a lasting effect on the club but thankfully its bad enough such that anyone will think twice (or hopefully more) before they set a toe out of line again.

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  5. #5
    Immortal GIGS20's Avatar
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    We need to start playing some rugby again, this stuff just doesn't happen much when the boys have got their mind on the job!

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    C'mon the

  6. #6
    Player innocent quokka's Avatar
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    I can play anywhere in the tight 5.

    where do I sign up?

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  7. #7
    Legend Contributor brokendown gunfighter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by innocent quokka View Post
    I can play anywhere in the tight 5.

    where do I sign up?

    can you drop goals like Dunning?

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  8. #8
    Immortal GIGS20's Avatar
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    No-one can drop goals like Dunning......'cept AJ, but AJ MEANS to score the goal.

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    C'mon the

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    Champion Contributor jazza93's Avatar
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    hahahahahahahahhahaahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahah hahahahahahahhahahaahahhahahahahahahaha.

    a bird just flew right into my window!!!!


    oh yea the story, was that suposed to be a joke. im confused it said something about reds not getting last????

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  10. #10
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    Did that clown get paid for writing that
    I really am in the wrong game...
    This continued infiltration of Easterners is killing Western Australian values and traditions, generations of schoolies going to Rotto are absolutely clear that you DO NOT pick up quokkas and play rugby with them when you are drunk.














    You save risking a spilt beer and play "sokka" instead...

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    Champion RuckNMaul's Avatar
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    HAHAHA
    missed you burgs

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  12. #12
    Player innocent quokka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brokendown gunfighter View Post
    can you drop goals like Dunning?
    Dunning's my biatch

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  13. #13
    Champion Contributor chook's Avatar
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    You're so cute! Can I rub your tummy?

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    Laura Force Addict v Chook scrabble-off on Facebook: laura & Force Addict 0 | chook 9


    Gigsa made me do it



    "He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty." – Lao Tzu

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    Champion Contributor Seldom's Avatar
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    HHHHMMMMMMMMMM.........................

    Maybe I should sell stuffed ones in store (Personally Signed)?????

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    BLACK IS THICKER THAN BLOOD

  15. #15
    Champion Contributor Em-Forcer's Avatar
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    As long as they're not 'personally stuffed'...

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    Keeping the Faith ... right here in Perth!

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