I told the wife i was buying her diamonds for her birthday.

She said "nothing would please her more," so i`m getting her nothing.

see TLH about getting her some diamonties ;)

I asked the wife what she wanted for her birthday and she replied
"Anything with diamonds in"
..........so, I bought her a deck of cards":D

My mate's missus has been on him for a 4x4, but he bought her a huge diamond ring instead. I asked him about it and (very quietly) suggested that it was a piss-poor investment, to which he replied "Go and try finding a fake car."