Australian rugby's Keystone Kops routine is no laughing matter
MARC HINTON
Last updated 22:41, May 2 2016
OPINION: Aussie rugby is in a parlous state. So bad, that when Michael Cheika gets the Wallabies together for the first time in June and tells them to go take their normal positions, he'll probably find them all heading behind the posts to await the next conversion.
Ha! I got a million like 'em. What do you call an Aussie holding a bottle of champagne after the Bledisloe Cup? A waiter. What do you call an Aussie with the Super Rugby trophy? The engraver.
Yes, yes, I know, once you've heard one rugby joke, you've heard a maul.
But seriously. The state of the Aussie game at the moment is assuredly no laughing matter. Even though it's hard not to enjoy it from our cosy spot on this side of the Tasman.
The Rebels are the top team in the Australian conference at the end of 10 rounds of Super Rugby. They have 23 points, and are two clear of the Brumbies and Waratahs.
If they were in the New Zealand conference, the men from Melbourne would be fifth. Yes, four of the five New Zealand teams have more points than the Aussie leaders, and the other (the Blues) might get there as they've played a game less.
The Aussie game is bleeding money trying to retain its top talent from the well-heeled northern invaders,
Anthony Au-Yeung
The Aussie game is bleeding money trying to retain its top talent from the well-heeled northern invaders,
The two Australasian conferences will get five teams into the Super Rugby quarterfinals at season's end. Unless something changes dramatically from here on in, New Zealand will provide four of them (the conference champs, and next three best finishers).
And a major flaw in Sanzaar's protectionist regulations looks likely to be exposed this season. As it stands now, the winners of the Aussie and both South African conferences would be granted home quarterfinals ahead of teams (the Crusaders and Hurricanes) who have more points than them. Way more. That's just not right.
Even the Highlanders, who are fourth in the power Kiwi conference, have more points than the top teams from both the Australian and South African 2 divisions.
I could go on, and will, if you please, for just one more paragraph.
New Zealand and Australian teams have clashed 14 times in total thus far this season. Kiwi sides have won 11 of them, and there has been one draw (the Blues and Reds). Just two Aussie outfits have knocked over their EnZed rivals home or away, namely the Brumbies in round one in Canberra against the Hurricanes (52-10) and the Reds when they held on to upset the Highlanders in Brisbane (28-27).
This is decidedly not a good thing from every point of view, bar the one-eyed Kiwi's.
First of all it has to be a major concern for the general health of Australian rugby, especially on top of the dire financial results being recorded on that side of the Tasman.
The Aussie game is bleeding money trying to retain its top talent from the well-heeled northern invaders, financing five Super Rugby teams (at least one too many, for sure) and also trying like heck to establish a much-needed third tier in its development pyramid. Its hopes of balancing the books won't be helped by declining interest and TV ratings because their teams are simply not competitive.
Why should we care?
It's a fair question. From a selfish point of view all that is important in Godzone is that New Zealand rugby stays healthy, both on the field and in the boardroom. We're well on track on both sides of that equation, too.
But think bigger. Where do we derive a big chunk of our revenue from? The Sanzaaar partnership, of course, and principally the major broadcast money that comes in via Super Rugby and The Rugby Championship.
New Zealand teams (in Super Rugby) and the All Blacks (in TRC) can't play these competitions on their own. They need opposition. And legitimate opposition to make it a credible competition.
Also last time I looked New Zealand was a small country of four million people, with extremely limited financial clout at an international corporate level.
New Zealand rugby needs Australian rugby (and South African rugby, for that matter) to be strong, dynamic contributors to the relationship because we also need the major revenue boosts they bring. In fact, we rely on it.
So before you go laughing too hard at those Australian jokes, it might be worth saying a prayer for the state of the Aussie game. If it gets any worse, New Zealand rugby could soon be paying a price for it.
Just as an aside, the situation isn't a heck of a lot better in South Africa, where politics also plays a major part in things. Their situation is complicated slightly by the presence of the expansion Japanese and Argentine sides in their conferences, but the game isn't exactly humming in the republic either (which makes it even more absurd that a sixth SA franchise was added this year).
In strictly NZ-SA terms, so far in Super Rugby the ledger reads: Kiwi teams eight wins, and the South Africans just two, one of which came when the Highlanders were reduced to 14 men for most the match against the Sharks in Dunedin.
It all leads to two clear suppositions: that New Zealand is a very good chance to win its 14th Super Rugby championship in 21 seasons; and that Steve Hansen's All Blacks will again take some beating in 2016.
Plus one more: the Sanzaar competitions stand on some very shaky ground indeed.
Good week for: The Hurricanes. If their first-up defeat to the Brumbies in Canberra set off a few early alarm bells, a runaway 50-17 thumping of the conference-leading Lions at Ellis Park was proof positive that the Canes are well and truly back in the championship equation.
Bad week for: Players who think charging up and careening into opposing receivers in mid-air is an acceptable part of the modern game. Two more red cards from two offences. The message couldn't be louder, or clearer.
Try of the week: As always there were some beauts, but I've got Reg Goodes' pearler for the Hurricanes, with the big prop charging down the sideline like a wing to dot down back in the country where he was born. Dane Coles' deft work to set up Vince Aso in the same game wasn't half bad either..
All Blacks watch: Cory Jane's a funny guy, but he's playing some seriously good rugby at the moment with the Hurricanes. Right wing was a problem position. But as is the way in NZ rugby these issues have a way of clearing up pretty quickly. Waisake Naholo's return for the Highlanders, on the back of a hat-trick in club rugby, should help even further.
http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/rugby/o...aughing-matter
